We all live in a dynamic and complex network of family members, friends, classmates or project mates. I believe in most situations, we try to find ways to get along with each other and often to avoid conflicts. Personally, I do not like conflict and feel that conflict would often hurt the relationship between the two parties. However, whenever there is more than one person around, there bound to have different view and perception. Conflicts are inevitable and arise when there is a difference in a perception of the situation, even between two ‘bestest’ friends or even with our closest ones such as our family members.
I would like to share a conflict which my friend shared with me recently. Not long ago, he went on a YEP trip to Inner Mongolia. They have 25 people in the team and most of them do not know each other beforehand. Due to the differences in personalities, many conflicts arise during the course of the trip. In the team, there were three girls who were very close friends and known each other before they joined the trip. These three girls were too straightforward and they were rather insensitive in their words. They often voiced out negative opinions in a sarcastic way. Unfortunately there was this girl within the group whom they were not fond of and they often find faults and picked on her. To make the matter worse, they were not criticizing her discreetly but out loud in front of the whole team. The people who were more supportive of the girl started to speak up for the girl and all these lead on to much unhappiness within the team. Being one of the only five guys in the YEP team, my friend was placed in an awkward position and not knowing how to resolve the conflict. Eventually, their YEP was split into different cliques and the tension could be felt throughout the whole journey. As a result, this YEP trip became a not too enjoyable experience for him :(
If you were in his shoes, how would you try to resolve this situation?
I believe emotion intelligence(EQ) and communication skills are two essential skills to learn in dealing with interpersonal conflicts. Many a time, if one was able stand in the shoes of the others and see things in another perspective instead of insisting on own’s stand, a lot of misunderstandings and interpersonal conflicts could be avoided. A positive attitude, the tone in a conversation, effective listening skills, and focusing on interests and solutions, would help to get through the rough exchanges more smoothly. However, it is often easier said than done, it is always not easy to keep a cool and calm head to logic things out at “THE MOMENT”.
Lastly I would like to share a quote with everyone (:
“Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.” ~ Albert Einstein
Personally I really like this quote and I find it very true. Conflicts are inevitable and I believe resolving them often takes efforts from both parties (:
Hi Huiting!
ReplyDeleteYou may have left out the question you were supposed to pose to your readers! Haha.
It was unfortunate that this has to happen for a YEP. People were supposed to work together for a greater cause yet a conflict resulted in different cliques which would defeat the purpose of a YEP.
ehh! hahaha I just realised it too! Thanks for pointing that out! It was on my word document while I saved, but that sentence was gone when I pasted it here! :( I might have missed out the sentence! shall add that back in again! :)
ReplyDeleteHi HuiTing,
ReplyDeleteI am usually the kind who do not like to step into these kind of situation, meaning I would probably just remain silent unless something really unbearable happens.
I was in such a situation when I was in JC. There was a group of gossip girls in my class who always love gossiping about others in their free time and would pass negative remarks openly without thinking of how the others will feel. Even though no one really confront them, but the rest of our class knows that their character and do not take their words seriously. One day for a class activity we were made to do a character test to see if you are an introvert or extrovert. The three girls actually was deduced to be extrovert but one of them was very affected and kept asking " Am I an extrovert? Why am I an extrovert, I very shy one...." At that moment, anyone that heard that was(zzz-_-'") and I passed a remark "Birds of a feather flock together" which resulted in displeasure among them.
I agree with shawn that it is really unfortunate to have such people in the team. Nothing much could be done because they are brought up that way and it is very much due to their character flaws which is not something that could be changed over a short time.
Hi Hui Ting,
ReplyDeleteFormation of cliques is a very common occurrence in groups like schools. However, this can also lead to tension when there is no communication between the different cliques like in this case. I remembered during my JC years, my class was split into may different cliques as well and this situation was 'encouraged' due to the very different timetables that we have. Hence, whenever there are any interclass competitions, my class often shows the lack of class spirit and we keep losing the games. For such a situation to occur during YEP, it would certainly defeat the purpose of YEP which like what Shawn mentioned, rather unfortunate. A better way would be to have some orientation or get-to-know session prior to the trip to allow bonding amongst the members to take place before going on YEP?
Hello Lisu!:)
ReplyDeleteBack in JC, I also have a few classmates who were rather insensitive too and they often pass negative comments and did not really care about the others feelings. Sometimes its really sad and discouraging to hear their comments especially when one is already feeling upset enough already :( I believe that if they were to stand in other's people shoes, they would in turn feel sore and upset by such comments too. Having a high EQ is really something that we should pick up and I feel that it not only being sensitive to other people's feelings alone but its also beneficial for us :) Its a life skill!
I do agree with shawn and you that its really unfortunate that things turned out that way and especially it happened on a supposedly meaningful event where they embarked on a journey to help others. Hope they would improve for the better after the reflection session(because I heard they have to hand in reflection essay after the trip)!
Cheers,
ting
Hello xiuqin!:)
ReplyDeleteI do agree with you that formation of cliques are very common and I believe this is because everyone has a different character and people who have the common topics and character would often tend to clique together. I like your idea of suggesting a get-to-know session prior to the trip to allow bonding amongst the members to take place before going on YEP! I believe this would definitely help in bonding and also through those sessions the members would build rapport within the group and also get to know each other's character more. As a result, mutual understanding may be built and there can be more effective communication between the group. :)
Cheers,
ting!